Humor & Cartoons

Shouts & Murmurs

Help—I’m a Narrator Stuck in the Calm.com Meditation App!

Sure, rhythmic, pattering rain can help regulate your nervous system, and trigger your autonomous sensory meridian response, but me? I’m wet.

By Erita Chen

Shouts & Murmurs

America!: Newly Declassified Secrets from the C.I.A.’s Ice-Cream Archives

Orange-creamsicle lovers and a cult of soft-serve radicals, revealed.

By Ali Fitzgerald

Shouts & Murmurs

Instructions for Pet-Sitting My Dog, Cerberus

It’s just an old habit for him to block the front door. If he’s stationed there, do not order delivery.

By Brandon Follick

Shouts & Murmurs

Eat the Lotus!

Times editors realized that, unless emergency procedures were initiated, the next day’s edition would contain not a single article about Christopher Nolan’s “The Odyssey”!

By Anthony Lane

Shouts & Murmurs

A Mostly True History of Marco Rubio

No one knows Marco Rubio’s age. It’s part of his mystery. So is his height. Look it up. No one knows.

By Christopher Gangemi

Daily Cartoons

1/15

“I bet we’re missing some great package deliveries.”

Cartoon by Ali Solomon

Cartoon Caption Contest

We provide a cartoon, you provide a caption. Enter the contest, rate submissions, or vote on finalists.

Celebrity Caption Contest

Aparna Nancherla and Josh Gondelman Enter the Cartoon Caption Contest

The comedians try their hand at captioning New Yorker cartoons.

By The New Yorker

Celebrity Caption Contest

Michael Ian Black Enters the Cartoon Caption Contest

The actor and comedian tries his hand at captioning New Yorker cartoons.

By The New Yorker

Celebrity Caption Contest

Ilana Glazer Enters the Cartoon Caption Contest

The actor, writer, and comedian tries her hand at captioning New Yorker cartoons.

By The New Yorker

Celebrity Caption Contest

Sarah Sherman Enters the Cartoon Caption Contest

The comedian tries her hand at captioning New Yorker cartoons.

By The New Yorker

Cartoons from the Issue

1/17

“Now use it! Use the belt!”

Cartoon by Charlie Hankin

Shorts & Murmurs

Screening Room

In “Stickworld,” Sticks Grow on Trees

A short film by Elizabeth Zephyrine McDonough helps viewers discover a new world.

Film by Elizabeth Zephyrine McDonoughText by Emma Allen

Screening Room

Richard Kind on Making a Short Film About Making a Short Film

Max Cohn and Ellie Sachs’s short film, “Proof of Concept,” offers a humorous meta-riff on the movie business and a tour of the Upper West Side.

Film by Max Cohn and Ellie SachsText by Naomi Fry

Screening Room

A Father-Daughter Swearing Lesson in “The F-Word”

In Alex Cannon’s comedic short, starring Chris Gethard, a dad struggles to give an age-appropriate explanation of the expletive.

Film by Alex Cannon and Paul Cannon

Shorts & Murmurs

Package Tracking Takes a Dark Turn in “Paper Towels”

When an online order goes missing, employees are often blamed. But how should they be punished? Now premium users get to decide.

Film by Ethan Kuperberg

Beach Day

1/19

Cartoon by Amy Hwang

Season of Matrimony

Shouts & Murmurs

My Wedding Hair

I wanted to give you a few notes on how I’d like to look on my big day. I’ve got something kind of specific in mind.

By Emma Rathbone

Shouts & Murmurs

A Few Quick Thoughts from Bridezilla!

How do I put this . . . I want to make sure that you all look worse than me, physically.

By Megan Amram

Shouts & Murmurs

Dearly Beloved

Mr. and Mrs. Prescott invite you to travel an uncomfortable distance to drink alcohol they have paid for in honor of their daughter Willoughby Ashleigh. . .

By Susanna Wolff

Shouts & Murmurs

A Wedding-Info Card from an Alternate Universe Where Ostriches Recently Learned to Fly

We can’t wait to see everyone’s fabulous black-tie ensembles! A friendly reminder: no bright colors, so as not to startle the birds.

By Maeve Dunigan and Jason Siegel

Comics

Blitt’s Kvetchbook

POTUS on the Move

And no one’s the wiser.

By Barry Blitt

Blitt’s Kvetchbook

Where Wild Things Go

Rummaging through the classics.

By Barry Blitt

Blitt’s Kvetchbook

Jeanine Pirro, Antihero

Honesty isn’t always the best policy.

By Barry Blitt

Blitt’s Kvetchbook

More Humor

Shouts & Murmurs

What My Life Would Be Like If All of Those Spam Texts Were Legit

I’d have dozens of packages shipped to me from USPSS, USP, and FidEx that only require my signature to obtain.

By Natalie Wexler

Shouts & Murmurs

Freelance Headlines Stupid Onion Editor Rejected

Married Man Still Able to Drink at Collegiate Level; Sloppy Eater Dog’s New Best Friend; and more.

By Larry Doyle

Shouts & Murmurs

Memorandum from the National Review Committee for National Day Designations

The Committee continues to recognize National Pizza Day, but denies the petition for a distinct New York-Style Pizza Day.

By Jordan Roter

Shouts & Murmurs

Dear Pepper: How to Have Some of It All?

I mourn the professional velocity I️’ve lost, along with a community of friends.

By Liana Finck

Shouts & Murmurs

Bari Weiss Is On It

Our first goal, as with “60 Minutes,” is balance. Lake Mead has been on the north side of the Hoover Dam for too long. When we’re finished, it will be on the south side, too.

By Chris Kelly

Shouts & Murmurs

Following a review, I have decided to dissolve our relationship. This decision reflects a strategic realignment of my emotional resources and should not be interpreted as a comment on your over-all market value.

By Sterling Hoyte